By the end of the movie, you just don’t care. What follows is two hours of vacant/menacing stares and vacant/menacing threats, some really pathetic attempts at seduction, even more pathetic attempts at sabotage, a few unnecessary and uninteresting plot twists, a bonkers amount of pet-murder foreshadowing (spoiler alert: the cat dies), a lot of bad decisions by everyone involved, and a really horrible made-for-TV soundtrack as Anna tries to steal the world’s most boring husband from his equally boring wife. Danger, seduction, and intrigue are… mildly suggested… as Anna weaves a very meandering web that she hopes to ensnare John and Laura in. She’s instead a vacant, squinty, emotionless murderer who is planning with her boyfriend CreepyMurderFace to use the surrogacy to scam the Taylors for money-before she abandons the scam after falling madly in love with John and decides to replace Laura as the mom in their soon-to-be family.

Anna sits there looking like a stoned deer while Mike creeps everyone out with his murder face, and the Taylors think: “Yes, these are the people who should have our baby for us.” Unbeknownst to John and Laura, the complete stranger they have just met and decided to trust their only embryo to is not the vacant, squinty, emotionless innocent she seems.

The Taylors invite Anna and her fiancé, Mike (whom I’ll call CreepyMurderFace, because apparently that’s his go-to look), over to dinner. “Look at her eyes,” Laura says when she’s explaining to the surrogacy service why she wants to choose Anna, as if there’s anything to be found in those eyes other than quaaludes. I did a Google Image search of “stoned deer” to ensure the accuracy of my description, and-trust me-it’s spot-on. It’s her innocent face, her scheming face, her scary face, her sexy face. This is the face Anna makes during the entire movie. Anna looks sedated and dim, her eyes in a crooked squint and her mouth in a vague smile. The film opens with Laura staring at a video of Anna discussing with the surrogate screener why she wants to be a surrogate.

After many failed attempts at conception, they decide to put all their hopes, and their “last viable embryo,” in the uterus of Anna (Jaz Sinclair), a young surrogate with the vacant stare that reminds you of the most drug-addled folks of the 1970s cult films. W hen the Bough Breaks, the second-highest-grossing film last weekend, is the story of John and Laura Taylor (portrayed by Morris Chestnut and Regina Hall), a rich and beautiful couple desperate for a baby.

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